LOML and I were out in the car yesterday. We stopped at a crossing and a lovely young woman crossed the road in front of us. I commented on how pretty she looked and LOML's comment was 'sure, but she would be high maintenance'.
I had to question further and discovered that he didn't mean she would be a difficult person to be in a relationship with. He meant that her appearance would be high maintenance. Really!!!!
The poor darling has absolutely no idea. Twenty somethings are not the ones that are high maintenance, it's us .... the over 60's!! He does not have a clue how much effort it takes to keep everything together when aging and gravity is working against you all the time!!!
Let me explain.
Hair:
Young women often have longer hair. To maintain this it requires a trim every few months, maybe adding some layers and a few highlights.
BUT
Shorter hair is usually more flattering to older women, but this requires a really good cut every six weeks. Any longer than that and it starts to look ratty. The other sad fact is that at this point in life grey hair is the enemy. To eliminate traces of the grey you need to have your hair coloured every five/six weeks. Then you have highlights added to 'life the colour around your face'! Sometimes even two of three different colours.
At this point I would like to recommend the best hairdresser in the world. Michelle, owner of Mishka Hairdressing. She is a miracle worker and the only person I have ever found who can make my meagre hair look reasonable!!! Michelle knows we well and knows I am not good at the whole five/six week routine. She now applies my highlights so the regrowth is minimised. Thanks Michelle ... couldn't do without you xx
Skin:
Young skin requires little work. Cleanse, moisturise and minimal makeup,
BUT
I don't need to tell anyone that as you age, you get wrinkles. Pretty bloody obvious, and unless you have given up completely then you go to work with all sorts of 'miracle' creams to combat the signs of aging. I also started to pay more attention to the direction I apply creams (always in an upward direction of course). Does it make a difference, probably not, but I feel better knowing I am at least going against gravity for 60 seconds a day!!!
The other pure delight of aging is suddenly you grow hair in places you never grew it before. Now I know, I know ... all that happened at puberty but this time I am talking about facial hair. For crying out loud, those little buggers appear from nowhere and no matter how hard to try to get rid of them, the next time you look ... they are back again!!!
I swear that one Movember I am going to stop waxing and plucking and I will be able to grow a better moustache than most of the guys I know!!!
Clothing:
Now this is pretty obvious. Gorgeous young things get up, shower, pop on a tube top, g-string and tiny shorts and there you go!! Heads turn, guys gape and they look incredible.
BUT
I get up, slowly, very very slowly, waddle to the shower and then it begins. You drag on the knickers and pick up the bra. This is no ordinary bra. This is a structure worthy of the Sydney Opera House. There are underwires that dig in and straps that ..... well you get the picture. So you sort of bend over and then you have to concertina your saggy boobs until the can be folded into the bra.
You choose the outfit that covers the most flesh and offends the least number of people, and there you go. Heads do turn occasionally (but not in a good way) but no-one gapes and no-one looks incredible.
I must say at this point that there is a wonderful invention called 'shapewear'. Shapewear is basically underwear that is made of some kind of strong elastic, which holds everything roughly in place. It removes wiggles and wobbles but sadly I discovered it also removes the ability to breathe!! Now I like to breathe, quit often, in fact. So it has to be a VERY special occasion for me to resort to shapewear. Preferable a very short, special occasion, so I can resume breathing at the soonest opportunity.
So there you go. There are lots of other things on this theme but I think that is enough torture for you all today.
Talk soon xxx
